When Mrs. Barb asked me to do the devotional for this week, I immediately said yes; I didn’t think it would be that hard; but when I sat down to write it, it finally hit me, No, no, no, no, no, no. I cannot do this devo. I cannot speak in front of people. I can’t do this. Then I remembered, this is not for me or for my sake, this is for God and His Glory. When I remembered that, I felt a little better about doing this.
My whole life I’ve struggled to maintain this “image of perfection,” but that’s just not who I am. The truth is, I’m messy, I have anxiety, I struggle with contentment, I’m quick to anger and slow to listen; but, something I’ve had to work on is reminding myself that no one else is perfect either. No matter how it may seem on the outside, we’re all just a little bit broken. If we were all perfect, then God would not be able to build in our lives. In our weakness, He is strong; where we cannot stand on our own, God will lift us up.
Another one of my imperfections is that I am stubbornly independent. Ninety percent of the time, I try to take everything on by myself. I do it alone because that’s how I feel is best but, eventually, that will fail, and it did fail. This past fall was probably the busiest I’ve ever been. I was juggling a new job, memorizing lines, and handling four college courses along with my regular classes. On top of it all, my brother got hit by a car! Throughout all of that, I tried to do it myself. That was a bad idea. I didn’t realize it at the time but, in doing it myself, I was drifting farther and farther from God. He would remind me that He was there to help, and I would shrug Him off and say, “Nah, I think I’m doing okay on my own.” I wasn’t. I was determined to handle it all by myself. I hadn’t trusted God with my problems even though He is the only one who could handle them.
All semester I had thought I was fine, but I was in denial of the mess it had made in my life. My load started to feel heavier, and I felt like there was a storm raging and wreaking havoc in my life. I finally realized that I couldn’t do it alone anymore. Isaiah 26:3 says, “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is fixed on You, because he trusts in You.”
For so many months, I hadn’t put my trust in God. My mind had not been fixed on Him. I was fixed on doing it my way. I was fixed on all the distractions that were happening in my life. I was fixed on everything but Him, but God still pursued me, He still wanted to help me even though I had fought His help for so long. When I finally gave in and fixed my eyes back onto Him and put my trust back in Him, I was met with His perfect peace. The storm was still raging, but I felt Him holding me, sheltering me from the rain. Even though my schedule was just as packed, the burden felt lighter and things didn’t seem as bad as they did before.
God is so much bigger than any problem in your life. He is so much stronger than we are. Don’t bear your burdens alone, let God pick them up and take them off your back. When anxiety sets in, fix your eyes back to Him and be reminded of His perfect peace. Life has a lot of ups and downs and most of the time it feels like there’s a lot more lows than highs, but the good news is: no one is perfect and you don’t have to try to be perfect, you are allowed to struggle when facing those lows. Everyone has battles they’re fighting and when you’re fighting those battles, remember that there’s someone waiting to help you, you just need to fix your eyes back on Him.
You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3 NKJV
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